dear lisa,

Open when I feel scared

Dear Lisa,

When fear strikes, your body's alarm system activates before your thinking brain can catch up. That pounding heart, those racing thoughts, the tightness in your chest—they're all your body trying to protect you. But right now, you're safe.

Fear is not the enemy. It's just information, and sometimes, it's information your brain has gotten wrong. You don't need to fight it or make it disappear instantly. You just need to move through it, one breath at a time.

Three steps when fear takes over

These aren't about eliminating fear—they're about moving through it with compassion for yourself.

1. Name what you're feeling

Say out loud or write it down

  • "I'm feeling scared right now"
  • "This is fear in my body"
  • "My alarm system is going off"

Why this works: Labeling emotions reduces activity in your amygdala—your brain's fear center—and helps you regain control.

2. Challenge the story

Question what your fear is telling you

  • What's the actual evidence for this fear?
  • What would I tell a friend in this situation?
  • Is this a prediction or a fact?

Why this works: Often, our fears are predictions, not facts. Examining them logically can dissolve their power.

3. Signal safety to your body

Use your breath to calm your nervous system

  • Try box breathing below
  • Press your feet firmly into the floor
  • Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly

Why this works: Regulated breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system—your body's natural calming mechanism.

Box breathing: Signal safety

This is your nervous system's reset button. Do it once, or do it ten times. Whatever you need.

Physiological Sigh

Two tiny inhales, one slow exhale. It gently convinces your nervous system to soften.

Ready to begin
How it works: Inhale through your nose, take a quick top-up sip of air, then sigh out slowly through your mouth. Repeat until your shoulders melt.

Manual Box Breathing

🌬️ Inhale for 4 counts
⏸️ Hold for 4 counts
🍃 Exhale for 4 counts
⏸️ Hold for 4 counts

Repeat 4-5 times or until you feel steadier

Compassionate truths about fear

Read these slowly. Let them sink in.

  • 💙 Fear is temporary. It always passes, even when it feels endless.
  • 💙 You have more control than it feels like in the moment.
  • 💙 What you're feeling in your body is probably far stronger than it needs to be right now.
  • 💙 Your brain is trying to protect you, but it's overestimating the danger.
  • 💙 You don't need to eliminate fear—just move through it with compassion.

Safety anchors to repeat

Say these out loud or in your head. As many times as you need.

"I am safe in this moment."

"My body is reacting to a perceived threat, not an actual one."

"I've survived every scary moment before this one."

"Fear cannot hurt me—it's just information."

"I can feel scared and still be okay."

You're doing the right thing

The fact that you opened this letter means you're choosing to face your fear instead of being swallowed by it. That takes courage. Even if it doesn't feel like courage—even if it just feels like desperation—it still counts.

You are safe. You are here. You are breathing. And that's enough for right now.


Chris 💙