Dear Lisa,
The control and coercion IS suffocating. You're not being dramatic. You're not overreacting. Your feelings are valid.
Say this out loud right now: "It's MY life. MY choice. MY decision."
What you need to remember:
- 🚫 Their love shouldn't be conditional on you complying
- 🚫 You don't owe them your location, your career choices, or your life plan
- 🚫 Getting "v annoyed" because you won't live in Dublin is THEIR problem, not yours
- 🚫 Taking "personal offence" that you have your own life is manipulative
When they pressure you, try saying
- 💬 "I understand you feel that way. This is what works for me."
- 💬 "I'm not discussing this right now."
- 💬 "I love you, but this is my decision to make."
- 💬 "I need some space from this conversation."
You have permission to
- ✅ Limit contact when it gets toxic
- ✅ Leave the room/house/call when they won't stop
- ✅ Not attend every family drama
- ✅ Disengage completely for your mental health
- ✅ Love them AND set boundaries
Remember: You're pandering to them because you're trying to earn love that should be freely given. You're allowed to stop performing for their approval.
You don't have to stay an "adult child" in their home forever. You're allowed to choose yourself.